A New Beginning

We all wish for one. Everyone of us at some point in time wishes for a new beginning. How many of these are we allocated in our lifetime? For some of us it may seem like we never have one, for others we have many. 

I am wishing for a new beginning. I want my illnesses to disappear. So many struggles and hardships that I must face and live through every day. I wish for these to disappear. The OCD, PTSD, all the anxiety, the seizures and migraines. I want these to disappear. 

I take my medications, I pray, I meditate, I exercise, I eat well, I follow all my doctors orders. What else am I to do. Where else am I to turn. I have found many releases for my frustrations. I write, I draw, I read, I cook. These help to clear my mind for the moments while I'm doing them, but when I stop my mind comes right back to how messed up life can be for a person like me.

For those of us who suffer will illnesses such as OCD, PTSD, or any of the other anxiety disorders, much of the time we are silent suffers. Those who don't suffer with these illnesses cannot fully understand the black hole we live in at times. The unnerving fear that accompanies these. 

As we learn to cope with the side effects of our illness we learn more about ourselves. We learn how much we can take, how strong we are, or in some instances how weak we think we are. But there are a couple things about people with anxiety disorders that I have learned, we are the strongest people in the world. We face our fears every day and we live through it, and we are highly imaginable. Just think about what we work up in our heads that make us so freaked out in the real world. 

New beginnings. Every day is a new beginning when you think about it. It's a new chance to change the world. A new chance to make a new friend, change your relationship with someone. A new chance to learn something new, spend time with your family. Every day is a new beginning, it's up to you what you do with it. 

Me I'm going to use my new beginnings to brighten my own world, to brighten my kids world, to brighten my family's world, to be a better friend, to listen more, to love more, to share more. I'm going to do my best to give my all to myself and to those around me, even with all my illnesses I'll still look to each day as my new beginning.

 

Blessed

Every day that we are given is a gift. I woke up this morning and the first thing I saw was my two year old daughter who was lifting my eyelid to tell me to wake up. This is a common wakeup call in my house. She comes up beside my bed and lifts my eyelid and says wake up mama.

These little joys, little moments are when we truly realize that life is a gift. Our life is a gift and the life we give to others is a gift. I have brought three beautiful children into the world and they are amazingly wonderful. They drive me crazy on most days but I wouldn’t have it any other way. With them at ages six four and two it would only make sense that mama bear would get a little grizzly every now and then.

As I watch them grow I see what a gift it is to me that I have these children in my life. I have given myself the gift of motherhood. God has given me the gift of motherhood. Together we have given the world three more wonderful gifts to the world.

I have no idea what my children are going to grow up to be or where they will go in their lives. Will they be doctors, lawyers, rock stars? Will they be artists, writers, chefs? There is no telling what they have in store for their futures but I’m going to watch them as they grow and help them along the way. I’ll support them with their choices and guide them along the way.

I’m going to be their mother, their friend, their guide post, and their sounding board. As a mother I get to wear many different hats, and a bag and shoes to match. Sometimes I have to be the mom, other times I get to be the friend. I have to be a chauffeur and a nurse. I have to be a counselor and body guard. I have to referee and be a maid. Each of these jobs comes with their own stress and their own reward, but I wouldn’t change my position in for the world. I don’t get paid in money but the pay I receive is worth much more than any currency in the world.

I will live every day I am given as if it is the gift that it is. I will thank God for one more day with my family and I will know that no matter what else happens I am truly BLESSED!

My First Post

I doubt that many people want to read about someone's life who they have never met. I don't blame them, I probably wouldn't either. I just know that I have a lot of stuff on my mind and a lot that I want to get out of my heart so I'm going to share it with the world. You can chose to read it or not. 

I have lived the life of a drug addict and a drunk. I have witnessed miracles. I believe in a higher power called God. I am a mother. I am a sister. I am a wife. I am a daughter. I am a friend. I wear each of these hats every day and they never come off, it's not a choice, it's a life style. I am proud of who I am today and where I have come. 

As you get to know me and my heartache you will see that I am strong and I am weak. That I have failed and I have risen to greatness. That I have lost loved ones and I have watched new loves come into the world. 


I am like every other person in the world. I have struggles and I face demons of my own. But I will not let them tear me down. I will face them head on and I will be the victor with my Lord Jesus Christ by my side. 


I suffer with bipolar disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder and post traumatic stress disorder, and I have epilepsy. When the doctors put it this way it makes me sound like I have a disease that is incurable. When really I just have a little more work to do on myself. A little more to give over to my Lord.


I hope that you all enjoy this journey with me, and I hope that I can entertain you a little along the way. I am nothing special, I am only a person.